Synchronicity

Is that a word or just something I heard on the telly in an advert?

I think it sums up how my thought processes have been running over the past few days on a number of different aspects of my life. A balance I suppose of two sides/poles running in sync alongside each other in a binary dance/journey.

Obviously there is the gender side(s) to me and I've seen others refer to this recently, which seem to hit a chord. Not content with flipping and presenting as one to the other, but trying to find something in the middle which, (possibly), allows the widest expression of who we are in one neat little bundle, (who am I kidding when was any of this neat and easy to compartmentalise?). Ask a TG person why they have a complete different persona and you will get many varied answers. Amongst them though I've seen answers that I can identify with. These state that to explain who we are and what we experience is difficult. It is easier with the social constructs available to portray ourselves as fully female. Though as I said we are more comfortable in being able to express the widest possible innermost parts to ourselves as a whole rather than two separate poles. I'm not saying that natal women are able to do this either, as they themselves have social constructs placed upon them too, but do they seem more open to this way of thinking, or am I just imagining it? For me I would like to have the opportunity to be who I am and express the complete me without the fear of being rejected socially. Without the conscious repression of thoughts, comments and behaviour deemed to be inappropriate for a man. Why can't I comment on clothes and make up with female colleagues? Possibly a lot of this is just my own problem which I have to sort out? I have happily crossed into this realm in the past albeit slightly and felt comfortable doing so. I do of course with my wife who knows all about this side to me, (yay for some sanity!). Curiously as an aside female colleagues have picked up on the fact that my email persona is a lot more relaxed and open than when they see me in person.

I am of course also trying to find some balance of who I am with what I would like to do work wise. A tall order even without the current climate. Fruitless searches of the web come up with very little that can tie up my experience working in the NFP sector for other causes. I may have to consider just being me a lot more in the work that I do now amongst the muggles and progressing the social change that small way. Another, given the time constraints may be to consider becoming a virtual volunteer somewhere, though I've yet to find something I can fully identify with. Sometimes I find so disheartening organisations who claim to be working on behalf of LGBT and on further investigation the T is not really covered and you have to fall within the LGB bit in order to work for them. That will change I know in time, someone's just got to prove to them it is worthwhile doing so. Catch 22 meets chicken and egg et al.

Now there is as well, now that junior is slightly older, the opportunity to progress other parts to me, which have been on hold for a while as I juggled work and parenthood etc. However it is the balance again of progressing myself individually against that of my son and family. I so want to get back into some arty stuff as well as progress my writing skills which tend to waffle a lot.

Can someone arrange to add a few more hours onto each day please?