When the Boundaries Between Myth and Reality Become Blurred

If you were to know me in my male persona, you might understand where this is all coming from. The play I'm about to be in covers some serious issues like rape, violent physical abuse and emotional manipulation. It is of course quite demanding simply by being part of the cast alone. It will definitely make the audience think.

This is my first real foray into grown up theatre and a social outlet for me which I haven't had for many years. As such I have really immersed myself into as much as I can, helping out behind the scenes as well. Given the nature of the play it has taken a lot of time to put together and inevitably if we finish before closing we end up in the pub to unwind and discuss what we have just done. As opening night draws ever closer the time asked of us increases and I have been out of the house a lot. Many things I would usually do have been put to one side, (even the brief times as Grace). I have intimated before, being away is causing some tension at home, though I have tried to include my wife and son where I can.

I wont go into more personal details as it isn't really appropriate. What I am trying to say is today a lot of things came to the fore personally. Old demons and current ones, repressed, denied, in your face ones all seem to be yelling for attention today. Most I think I have a handle on, have accepted and hopefully built positively on. So much though seemed to be there chronologically and a few more puzzle pieces fell into place even though they were there in plain view all along. That is weird but again rational depending on what your viewpoint is.

So what were these demons? Am I simply over connecting with the play and allowing myth to become part of my reality? I'm not talking about physical, sexual, or violent abuse. More emotional manipulation over a long period of time. Something just as real. Much was skillfully resolved a few years ago with some professional guidance personally and I recognise where I sit within the context of the whole thing most of the time. Dynamics though have changed slightly and I think I am becoming a focus once more for others. What is different today is that I am aware of it and how it fits into the whole context of my life. But is this just because of the issues I am dealing with in the play? Would I be feeling like this if say the content of the play was completely different? If so, what do I do? Do I suggest to these (this?) other(s) that we do something positive to try and resolve it? Will they want to? That is an important question. I do. If they don't, there are some uncomfortable decisions I may have to try and make and a long road to travel either way.