Best Laid Plans

The Joys of London Public Transport on a Weekend
I had decided to attend the TG remembrance event in London yesterday and planned my route(s) ahead of time. Note the plural, it's not a typo, London Transport on the weekends at the moment can be a test of mental and physical endurance. This is before unforeseen circumstances such as emergency engineering etc are even taken into account.

So I first go to a bus stop near home which provides an opportunity for several different buses to several viable stations where I would have to change. First thing I notice is the traffic, almost stationery and many many people stood looking cold and forlorn at the bus stop. So I stand for a while with them trying to gauge the problem. England were playing at Twickenham some miles away. Trains were not going all the way, so people it seemed were opting to go by road. This was exacerbated because the South Circular is closed westbound so all traffic coming this way has to meet up with traffic coming in from the south on in it seems the road where I am going to catch my bus. After a while I decide to walk down the road to try other more viable options. On the way down I notice a bus coming down so I opt to wait at the next bus stop to see if I can get on. It doesn't even stop, despite people waving their arms etc or that there is plenty of spaces. this used to be a problem with this certain bus before when drivers, in order to keep on time would opt not to stop, even though the next bus may be some time behind and might inevitably do the same. Something that had been sorted but now seems to be creeping back. Decide to keep walking, scratching one possible route now off my list.

I get to a train station check the times and see a train going to Waterloo in five minutes. This usually is a quick route during the week, with delays occurring to trains arriving, because of a bridge needing emergency repairs, but the train was now coming in, so I opt to let the train take the strain. No problems until we leave Clapham Junction when the train stops. The reason why is a little unclear as the guard chooses to break the long silence just as a train goes past so we couldn't hear him. All we know is several other trains heading for the same destination are whizzing past. Eventually we move off and I think I may still be able to make it, albeit a little late. I opt to go to Waterloo as the Victoria Line has had problems recently on weekends, leaving the Northern Line, (yeah I know... Uh ohhh!).

So when I get to the Northern Line I just miss a train. I'm not blaming the lady at the gates who decides to get into conversation with the staff causing a bottleneck, but... The noticeboard is blank which is ominous so I wait... Five minutes later the next rain comes up as 15 minutes away which to all intent and purposes writes off my getting to my destination at all. So I reluctantly head home...

Sliding Doors
So the day didn't turn out as it should have. Nothing at all like I had hoped but something did stick in my mind. It's been a while since I've blogged. Not much has changed. Still deciding on whether to come out to my colleague at work, or not. Still growing my hair and had my hair coloured by my stylist. Next time I'm going darker and the style is very interchangeable between male and female mode. Not that I've been open about my transness, but I think she must have an inkling. I have been plucking my eyebrows slightly, (only just), to the point where they can be on the cusp of male or female so I don't have to have fringe now which suits me better I think. My rambles may seem unconnected but bear with me. In work as I relax a bit with who I am and bring balance of how I come across, another colleague has begun commenting how nice it is to see a man in touch with his feminine side, to which I joke "yes but the heels are killing me!". So now you get where I'm coming from I hope?

So the pluses of the day? Despite not even getting there? As you may know I opt not to go out in public en femme because I don't feel the need etc. But as you can see the balance of how I present is blending to represent the whole me. So I'm in male mode but wearing a ladies black long sleeve t-shirt which is barely different from the male version except for an ever so slightly deeper round neckline and a pair of dark purple stud earrings, which again can be pretty good male wise. Everything else is definitely male. Whether because of the frame of mind I was in and therefore projecting as such I encountered a few distinct moments shall we say. Walking down the road I passed two girls, on saying to the other whilst looking at me "Is that a man or a woman?" To which the other replied, "Does it matter? I'm not bothered." So I walk on a little stronger. I'm getting several looks throughout my journey. At the tube station one man made a point of just standing and staring for a long time. I stood my ground it didn't occur to me to feel I should move away. Then coming home two more girls had pointed me out from an opposite escalator and were discussing something looking themselves uncomfortable. So I give them a Paddington Bear stare of sorts... So the plus? It was obvious for whatever reason that my t-ness was coming across. This was causing some people to look at me and comment. Given the reason for my travels it seemed apt that I should experience something of public reaction, however small. They and myself will have experienced something new and as such hopefully learnt something positive or at least tolerance in a very small way. Maybe I'm kidding myself..? Maybe I'm not?